Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
