There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize