mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
