you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My vagina is officially offended.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize