first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
