remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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