i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
