Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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