You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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