If i come over, it means nothing
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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