so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
