I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Everclear isn't food dammit
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
