I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
