dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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