Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
