Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
