12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
