If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
