White coat. Heels.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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