Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
