need another drink. this is the easiest way
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize