Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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