good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
