oh god the rape fog is back!
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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