If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize