feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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