you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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