john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
