Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
