He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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