You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
