he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
