I wish I could punch you in the face.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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