Michael Bay diarrhea
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
