Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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