you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
