Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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