I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
