So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
