my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
MIDGETS
????
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
