I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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