Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
