i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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