Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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