you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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