God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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