Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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