proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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