she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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