I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
