Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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