Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
