i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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