dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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