when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
