She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
