her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize