In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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