chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My ATM looks so different sober.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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