So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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