Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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