Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
