Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize