Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You can't just leave with hair like that
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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