THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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