I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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