FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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