Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
