I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
