Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
